Pink Moan

January 16th, 2009 by Gnat

I discovered Afri-Cola (German brand of cola) last night during the Monks documentary: The Transatlantic Feedback. Many years ago an Afri-Cola commercial was supposed to feature music by the Monks, but that’s not even the strange part. My friend saved me some effort by eloquently blogging about Afri-Cola here. Feast your eyes on what is perhaps the finest, and surely most German, cola commercial ever (sort of NSFW):

November 21st, 2008 by Gnat

Every once in a while I have to do a WTF? post here to touch base with the latest oddities I’ve come upon. Here is one peculiar thing I’ve been meaning to talk about for a little while now: the Plan B gentleman’s night club in Los Angeles, which is located mere blocks from where I work. Below is the shitty, pixelated and aliased-to-hell logo from their web site (I know I shouldn’t post it but it’s so bad I have to):

OK so here’s my beef: who the fuck greenlights the development of a gentleman’s topless club named “Plan B?” Everyone knows Plan B is another name for the morning after pill, right? Yeah, um, there’s nothing sexier than a pregnancy scare, let me tell you. My male friend also commented last night that the phrase “Plan B” invokes images and feelings of disappointment and inadequacy for him. Like: “well I guess since I struck out with my date tonight I’ll implement Plan B, go get wasted and worked up at the strip bar and end my night a drunken, masturbating mess.” Oh and did I mention that this establishment, Plan B, is located exactly next to a charter elementary school? How does this stuff actually happen?

Item number two in my WTF post: Flippers. Flippers are partial denture devices that I first heard about late last Friday night on a VH1 show. Now this show wasn’t about the elderly, it was about the truly disturbing world of children’s beauty contests. Confused? I present to you exhibit A, Amber:

What’s wrong with this picture? Well, a child Amber’s age doesn’t normally have rows of perfect chompers, for one thing. A child Amber’s age usually has a mouth dotted with gaps and gapes from missing baby teeth and half-grown-in adult teeth. That’s where flippers come in. With a little cosmetic denistry your six y.o. girl too can look bizarrely doll-like and prematurely sexualized. Click here to read some important FAQ’s about flippers, including this chill-inducing factoid: “The flipper is also a choking hazard please supervise while your child wears it.”

OK, that’s all folks. Have a great weekend and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (which isn’t much)…

October 3rd, 2008 by Gnat

Now do I have your attention? Lately I can’t get the song I Need Lunch by the Dead Boys out of my head. Click here and download the mp3 (lest it be removed), listen to the tune, read the following lyrics, and bear with me:

“I-I don’t need your company
Girls like you all come for free
I-I don’t really wanna dance
Girl, I just wanna get in your pants

I-I don’t wantcha to hang around
Girl I don’t need ya to drag me down
Well I-I don’t really wanna dance
Girl, I just wanna get in your pants

Now listen girl

You try and try
You want we’re just more than friends
You cry and cry
You know i’ll prick ya’in the end
Look at me that way, bitch
Your face is gonna getta punch
I said I don’t need no cook girl
I need lunch

Now listen to me baby

I-you go find yourself a factory man
Girl-you were born with dishpan hands
Well I, baby, I don’t need romance
You know, girl, I just wanna get in your pants

I said-I need lunch

Feed me!!”

Even without Stiv Bators’ snarky, snarly intonation these lyrics on their own read as offensive. His searing delivery backed by loud guitars only serves to salt the sting. The narrator of this song hates women, or at least the woman he’s singing to and about. Hell, at the song’s apex he threatens to punch the bitch. I mean, this is hard, violent shit. In addition, this song equates a woman with a meal.

So why do I love it so much?

Believe me, gentle reader, I have spent too much time analyzing my love of I Need Lunch. Time that should have probably been spent working or studying for the GRE. But the good news is I think I figured it out: I love this song because it expresses primitive drive, without any pretense of sentimentality. I don’t have to like what Stiv Bators is saying, but I can’t ignore the rawness of his lament. It’s ugly and it’s real. And I’ll take a real hate song any day over a flaccid, fake love song. True and ugly is better than phony and pretty.

Stiv (1949-1990)

September 5th, 2008 by Gnat

Aunt Flo just arrived in town, so I thought I’d share this hilarious clip:

January 3rd, 2008 by Gnat

I knew that when I started this blog I would dedicate my first post to the goddess who is Annie Sprinkle. Shy and awkward Jewish girl turned ’70s porn star turned post-porn performance artist, Ms. Sprinkle is one of my porny pop culture heroes. Not only that, she’s one of my feminist heroes too.

I was fortunate enough to see Annie perform twice during my college years in the mid-’90s. One of these performances was a rare college campus appearance, courtesy of Annie’s mentor/former lover/collaborator/performance artist extraordinaire and at the time UT Art prof, Linda Montano. If you’re unfamiliar with Linda Montano and her amazing (and somewhat literal) body of work, do yourself a favor and check her out.

The first time I saw her perform, Annie’s show consisted largely of a slideshow accompanied by her dead-witty dialog and industry stories. This was followed by a brief burlesque-y sort of number, and topped off by her now-famous cervix display. What struck me most and left the greatest lasting impression was not the graphic nature of Annie’s show, but the radiantly positive, funny and relaxed manner in which she delivered her saucy material. This is a woman who lovingly opened herself up to display her most “private” parts for audience members just so we could each get a good look at a cervix (because most of us had never seen one, Annie said). We even could take a picture if we wanted. I wanted, and somewhere this glossy shot is buried in my belongings. If I find it I promise to post it at a later date.

I haven’t seen the pic in years, but naturally the image is burned upon my brain forever: Annie is splayed open with a speculum, her stiletto-heeled feet in stirrups on either side of the picture frame. An assistant points the beam of a flashlight towards her opening. Annie looks down at the camera with her eyes full of sparkle. I am behind the camera nervous and smiling.

November 30th, 1999 by Gnat

Now that I have your attention, listen up. This album was released in 1974, and few original copies exist today (the copies that are still in existence will cost you mucho dinero to acquire). I just read this LP was reissued in a very small run (prolly for collector scum), so I suggest you take a few moments to download this here digital file. Amazingly good afro psych/pop/groove. A fuzzy lead guitar snakes its way through one catchy, rhythmic tune after the next. Highly recommended.

Get it here.

November 30th, 1999 by Gnat

Waylon Jennings, wow.

November 30th, 1999 by Gnat

Oh gentle readers, my blog posts have been few and far between, I know. I’ve been sort of overwhelmed with attempting to navigate the sea of information online as of late. I’ve found the migration of users from Myspace to the cleaner, yet just as time-wasting, Facebook to be a semi-fascinating phenomenon. Social media — is it a groovy new way to communicate or just the next dot com bubble? I think that remains to be seen, and the future is unwritten so it’s anyone’s guess. I know lately that I crave to return to some more primal, pure, way of living. Twitter and Facebook are nice, yes, but what about steppes and tundras? Deserts, forests and oceans. Albert Hoffman in his old age and wisdom said that we must include nature in our everyday lives in order to be happy. I agree. A conundrum of modern life has always been how to marry progress with happiness. Here are ten historic clashes that kicked our intellectual evolution into overdrive:

The 10 Biggest Intellectual Fights Of All time

November 30th, 1999 by Gnat

So here:

(pic taken by me at Sanborn and Sunset, Silverklake, LA)

November 30th, 1999 by Gnat

I have to blog about this infographic from the New York Times article, Why Is Her Paycheck Smaller? While the results are annoying (yet not surprising), I find this to be a very cool little infographic. It’s interactive, so click on the below image to go to the NYT page then rollover the dots to see details.